So, how can we clear out the old gunk so that we can be our authentic selves instead of blindly reacting to everyone and everything?
It's easy to be enlightened if you live alone in a cave on a remote mountaintop. No one is bothering you. The trick is to maintain your calm in the midst of the chaos.
First, you have to accept that whatever you encounter was your doing. It didn't come from "out there," it came from "in here." You put it front and center to get your attention. If it wasn't already in you, you would be unable to perceive it. It just wouldn't resonate. If it doesn't resonate, you might or might not notice it, but it wouldn't grab your attention.
So, someone or something grabs your attention and it doesn't feel good. It hurts. Don't run from it. Don't hide. Don't deny or make excuses. Don't blame. It just is. Go toward it. You can't transform it until you accept it. You can't get past it until you acknowledge it. There really is no place to hide anyway. Wherever you go, there you are. If you don't deal with it now, it will come up again. And again. Believe me.
There are many methods. Everyone is unique and what works for one person may not work for another. I have tried many. I have been to healers, hypnotherapists, counselors and so on. Some were helpful, some not. The most helpful thing that I have done is to meditate. I meditate for 30 minutes every day. I usually do a guided meditation with words or music. I have a harp CD that I sometimes use. Sometimes I use a guided meditation by Abraham, as channeled by Esther Hicks. Most often I use a guided meditation by Robert Monroe (see books). I also have a MAP team. In the back of the book, A Course in Miracles, is a series of daily meditations, one for each day of the year. These are Christian-based and I had to reword them to my liking, but the message of all religions is the same in the end. I have done the entire sequence. It's all about forgiveness. Forgiving yourself and everyone else. Holding grudges is deadly. I have also had success with Acupressure for Emotional Healing.
I hold a specific problem or question in my mind and then I go into my meditative state. Sometimes the answer comes while I am meditating, sometimes not. Sometimes it takes many sessions. Sometimes it comes through some seemingly minor event in my day. Sometimes in a dream. Sometimes it has many layers and I can only peel one at a time. It takes time. Be patient with yourself. Sometimes I cry while I am meditating.
Another technique, if the pain or problem is with the body, is to hold the part that is bothersome. Just put both hands over the area and be with it. Accept it as it is right now. Accept yourself as you are right now. Ask your body what it is trying to tell you. Then wait for the answer.
I have a few words to add about counseling and "venting." The only time I have found it really useful to talk to another person about a problem is when I was so tied up in knots about it that I couldn't unravel it. Then talking about it to an active listener was helpful for me to just get clear on the actual source of my distress. Otherwise, talking about a problem just entrenches it, in my experience. Many people think it's good to "vent." I disagree. Venting is just spewing your pain out into the world. Does it make you feel good? On the contrary, whenever I have indulged in venting I felt worse. It's because by venting I am focusing on the problem. Often I am blaming or trying to make someone else bad and wrong. This doesn't feel good to me.
If you focus only on what's wrong or what hurts and you are indulging in blame, shame or guilt you are feeding it and giving it power. Focus on what's right and what works. What works in your life? How did you get it to work? Do that with what doesn't work. Find things to appreciate, things that please you.
Monitor your thoughts. Your thoughts follow your beliefs about the world. What are the contents of your mind? What are you thinking when your are doing nothing in particular? Do you like what you see? Are your thoughts filled with resentment? Thoughts are real. Through your thoughts and your imagination, you create the world you perceive. Perception is reality.
Sometimes I like to imagine my perfect world. The perfect society. What would that look like?
You are never alone.
No one is going to save you.
You must save yourself. Help is available for the asking, but you must
ask. Then listen for the answer. It is within you.
12/30/2012
Why did we come here?
Why are we here? Where is here anyway? What is this place and what am I doing here? These questions have consumed me for all of my life.
For a long time I was pissed. It seemed that I had been dropped here, a stranger in a strange land, without even a map. What kind of a lousy deal is this anyway? And the natives are insane! Beam me up!
I still don't know, but I will share what I think, based on many years of searching (and rejecting various doctrines: religion, science etc.) and many years of meditating.
I am a soul in a skin suit. I chose to be here, at this time and place, because it gave me an opportunity for growth and expansion. Some of this I have achieved, but I am still in process. I'm still here, after all.
This whole physical thing is a chimera. We have to forget who we really are and where we came from because otherwise we couldn't take it seriously. It's like acting in a play but we had to forget that we are not really the actor and the play is just make-believe. Otherwise, we would just walk off stage when things get difficult. Wouldn't we? Some do. It's called suicide.
Just recently, I was complaining a lot. I still didn't (don't) know my purpose. Okay, I chose to be here. Check. But why? And why NOW? I don't fit in. I don't believe anything that most of my fellows believe. The current society that I live in is messed up beyond belief. Couldn't I have come into a more benevolent time and place?
Then I got it. We are the ground crew. What we are is bigger (much much bigger) than our physical manifestations that we seem to be stuck in. It's like we are the tip of an iceberg. Only the very tip is visible but the greater portion is below the surface. We look around at the other tips and we think we know who they are but we don't know shit. How can you judge the whole when you can only see the tip? You can't. You can't judge another person's life. You don't know the whole story. You can't even judge your own life unless and until you can discover what is beneath the surface. Whenever I feel tempted to pass judgement, on myself or anyone else, I just remind myself that I don't know anything. It takes the wind out of that sail.
So. We are the ground crew. This is a critical time in the history of the Earth and we signed on to be part of the ground crew. The entire Universe is watching and benefiting from our experience (including our greater selves, the big portion below the surface). Our job is to send back reports of conditions on the ground. Their job is to send in the new energies to help us raise our consciousness.
And there is a map, after all. It is within us. We can access it anytime. The huge part of us that is below the surface is us also. We have to alter our consciousness a bit for access. We access it though dreams, meditation, hypnosis, and the like. Bringing back the information can be tricky. Information gathered in an altered state doesn't always translate easily. But if you ask, the answer will come. You have to be alert because it can come in any way. We are quite creative in giving ourselves messages. It can come in a passage in a book you are reading. A casual conversation with a stranger. Finding a lost item. A street sign (literally, A Sign). There are no accidents. It isn't random chance that you are reading a book and a passage jumps out at you. You are the actor and the play. There is nothing in your play that you didn't put there. Pay attention.
I decided that it is time for me to stop my whining and complaining and just be part of the ground crew and do my bit. Whatever occurs to me. I have to trust the process. Trust the Universe. Trust mySELF. There doesn't seem to be much other choice anyway.
For a long time I was pissed. It seemed that I had been dropped here, a stranger in a strange land, without even a map. What kind of a lousy deal is this anyway? And the natives are insane! Beam me up!
I still don't know, but I will share what I think, based on many years of searching (and rejecting various doctrines: religion, science etc.) and many years of meditating.
I am a soul in a skin suit. I chose to be here, at this time and place, because it gave me an opportunity for growth and expansion. Some of this I have achieved, but I am still in process. I'm still here, after all.
This whole physical thing is a chimera. We have to forget who we really are and where we came from because otherwise we couldn't take it seriously. It's like acting in a play but we had to forget that we are not really the actor and the play is just make-believe. Otherwise, we would just walk off stage when things get difficult. Wouldn't we? Some do. It's called suicide.
Just recently, I was complaining a lot. I still didn't (don't) know my purpose. Okay, I chose to be here. Check. But why? And why NOW? I don't fit in. I don't believe anything that most of my fellows believe. The current society that I live in is messed up beyond belief. Couldn't I have come into a more benevolent time and place?
Then I got it. We are the ground crew. What we are is bigger (much much bigger) than our physical manifestations that we seem to be stuck in. It's like we are the tip of an iceberg. Only the very tip is visible but the greater portion is below the surface. We look around at the other tips and we think we know who they are but we don't know shit. How can you judge the whole when you can only see the tip? You can't. You can't judge another person's life. You don't know the whole story. You can't even judge your own life unless and until you can discover what is beneath the surface. Whenever I feel tempted to pass judgement, on myself or anyone else, I just remind myself that I don't know anything. It takes the wind out of that sail.
So. We are the ground crew. This is a critical time in the history of the Earth and we signed on to be part of the ground crew. The entire Universe is watching and benefiting from our experience (including our greater selves, the big portion below the surface). Our job is to send back reports of conditions on the ground. Their job is to send in the new energies to help us raise our consciousness.
And there is a map, after all. It is within us. We can access it anytime. The huge part of us that is below the surface is us also. We have to alter our consciousness a bit for access. We access it though dreams, meditation, hypnosis, and the like. Bringing back the information can be tricky. Information gathered in an altered state doesn't always translate easily. But if you ask, the answer will come. You have to be alert because it can come in any way. We are quite creative in giving ourselves messages. It can come in a passage in a book you are reading. A casual conversation with a stranger. Finding a lost item. A street sign (literally, A Sign). There are no accidents. It isn't random chance that you are reading a book and a passage jumps out at you. You are the actor and the play. There is nothing in your play that you didn't put there. Pay attention.
I decided that it is time for me to stop my whining and complaining and just be part of the ground crew and do my bit. Whatever occurs to me. I have to trust the process. Trust the Universe. Trust mySELF. There doesn't seem to be much other choice anyway.
12/29/2012
Planet Earth
The state of our planet seems dire to me.
We have contaminated the air with chemicals and electromagnetic radiation.
We have contaminated the water with pesticides, herbicides and pharmaceutical residues.
We have contaminated the soil with herbicides, pesticides, and god only knows what else.
We have contaminated the food supply with these chemicals and god only knows what else.
We are destroying the rain forests that sustain us.
We are rapidly depleting our resources and they are not renewable.
Our economic models are not sustainable.
I believe that all governments and religions are initially set up with the the best of intentions. Then, while people are busy making up rules, rites and regulations, Truth escapes out the back door and greed and corruption take hold. This is nothing new. What is new is the sheer magnitude.
Our planet cannot sustain this. Our planet is a living organism. It will cleanse itself of us, if it has to.
We may have already passed the point of no return, I don't know. I do know that if we don't wake up NOW, we will for sure destroy our planet as we know it. We must respect the sacredness of ALL life and act accordingly.
My response to this state of affairs has evolved. At first I just buried my head firmly in the sand (what difference can one person--namely me-- make?). I am reminded of an image that I will never forget. It was during the protests in Tiananmen Square in China in the late '80s. The students were protesting during a pro-democracy movement. The government response was to send in the army, with a bunch of tanks. A lone man stood in front of a whole line of tanks and he stopped them. He must have decided that this was not okay. This was not something he could bear to stand and watch and do nothing. I still have the newspaper photo tacked up on my wall to remind me that one person can make a difference.
I woke from denial into passive activism (online petitions, writing letters to government officials, boycotting certain companies etc.). I still do this. Numbers matter. If everyone did it then I think things would have to change. Why do you think they control the information we get? They don't want us to know what is going on. As long as we don't know what they (governments, corporations) are doing, as long as we have enough to eat and as long as we are distracted by our gadgets and conveniences, they are literally getting away with murder. The murder of Mother Earth. Will you stand and witness without raising a peep of protest?
This became depressing for me. The more I learned, the more dire our situation seemed and the more I felt like a voice in the wilderness while the world hovered on the brink of disaster and all the people were busy texting each other. I developed a very sore shoulder (shouldering the burdens of the world?). I meditated on that for a week or so. I received a two-part answer that I will share with you:
Part I: I am not alone. I was never alone. If I just do what I can, in full consciousness, without anger, resentment, worry, or fear, that will be enough. Just do my small bit, whatever it is in the best way that I can. I am writing this. I also offer my services to those groups that I am in solidarity with. But only to the extent that I am comfortable. I am not comfortable calling strangers, for example. So I don't do that. It won't help my cause, any cause, if I am steeped in anxiety while I am trying to "help."
Part II: I am a forever being. We are all forever beings. Can you even conceive of not being? This is a grand experiment. An experience. If it fails, we will begin again somewhere else. Not that big of a deal in the grand Universe. It's like building a castle in the sand. We know the tide will come in, yet still we delight in building our castle. Should we not build our castle because we fear the tide?
Perhaps it is just time for high tide. Perhaps there is nothing to be done except stand and witness. Fear not, for you are a forever being. And you are not alone.
Another helpful analogy is of a storm. The storm is cleansing. It may be violent and destructive, but the aftermath is beautiful. The world is fresh and clean. I think we are in for the mother of all storms. We may not survive in our physical bodies. But, in case you haven't noticed, there is only one way out of here and we must all take that route. This is your life. When are you gonna show up?
We have contaminated the air with chemicals and electromagnetic radiation.
We have contaminated the water with pesticides, herbicides and pharmaceutical residues.
We have contaminated the soil with herbicides, pesticides, and god only knows what else.
We have contaminated the food supply with these chemicals and god only knows what else.
We are destroying the rain forests that sustain us.
We are rapidly depleting our resources and they are not renewable.
Our economic models are not sustainable.
I believe that all governments and religions are initially set up with the the best of intentions. Then, while people are busy making up rules, rites and regulations, Truth escapes out the back door and greed and corruption take hold. This is nothing new. What is new is the sheer magnitude.
Our planet cannot sustain this. Our planet is a living organism. It will cleanse itself of us, if it has to.
We may have already passed the point of no return, I don't know. I do know that if we don't wake up NOW, we will for sure destroy our planet as we know it. We must respect the sacredness of ALL life and act accordingly.
My response to this state of affairs has evolved. At first I just buried my head firmly in the sand (what difference can one person--namely me-- make?). I am reminded of an image that I will never forget. It was during the protests in Tiananmen Square in China in the late '80s. The students were protesting during a pro-democracy movement. The government response was to send in the army, with a bunch of tanks. A lone man stood in front of a whole line of tanks and he stopped them. He must have decided that this was not okay. This was not something he could bear to stand and watch and do nothing. I still have the newspaper photo tacked up on my wall to remind me that one person can make a difference.
I woke from denial into passive activism (online petitions, writing letters to government officials, boycotting certain companies etc.). I still do this. Numbers matter. If everyone did it then I think things would have to change. Why do you think they control the information we get? They don't want us to know what is going on. As long as we don't know what they (governments, corporations) are doing, as long as we have enough to eat and as long as we are distracted by our gadgets and conveniences, they are literally getting away with murder. The murder of Mother Earth. Will you stand and witness without raising a peep of protest?
This became depressing for me. The more I learned, the more dire our situation seemed and the more I felt like a voice in the wilderness while the world hovered on the brink of disaster and all the people were busy texting each other. I developed a very sore shoulder (shouldering the burdens of the world?). I meditated on that for a week or so. I received a two-part answer that I will share with you:
Part I: I am not alone. I was never alone. If I just do what I can, in full consciousness, without anger, resentment, worry, or fear, that will be enough. Just do my small bit, whatever it is in the best way that I can. I am writing this. I also offer my services to those groups that I am in solidarity with. But only to the extent that I am comfortable. I am not comfortable calling strangers, for example. So I don't do that. It won't help my cause, any cause, if I am steeped in anxiety while I am trying to "help."
Part II: I am a forever being. We are all forever beings. Can you even conceive of not being? This is a grand experiment. An experience. If it fails, we will begin again somewhere else. Not that big of a deal in the grand Universe. It's like building a castle in the sand. We know the tide will come in, yet still we delight in building our castle. Should we not build our castle because we fear the tide?
Perhaps it is just time for high tide. Perhaps there is nothing to be done except stand and witness. Fear not, for you are a forever being. And you are not alone.
Another helpful analogy is of a storm. The storm is cleansing. It may be violent and destructive, but the aftermath is beautiful. The world is fresh and clean. I think we are in for the mother of all storms. We may not survive in our physical bodies. But, in case you haven't noticed, there is only one way out of here and we must all take that route. This is your life. When are you gonna show up?
My Qualifications
You may be wondering what qualifies me to write this stuff.
Nothing. I don't know anything.
But I've done time in the trenches. I got tired of it and I found some relief. Thought I'd pass it along. Somebody might find some of it useful.
I don't think I've left any mistakes unmade. I've made most of them multiple times. And then some.
"[W]hen one of you falls down he falls for those behind him, a caution against the stumbling stone.
Ay, and he falls for those ahead of him, who though faster and surer of foot, yet removed not the stumbling stone." (--Kahlil Gibran from The Prophet)
I have stumbled. This is my attempt to remove some of the stones.
Nothing. I don't know anything.
But I've done time in the trenches. I got tired of it and I found some relief. Thought I'd pass it along. Somebody might find some of it useful.
I don't think I've left any mistakes unmade. I've made most of them multiple times. And then some.
"[W]hen one of you falls down he falls for those behind him, a caution against the stumbling stone.
Ay, and he falls for those ahead of him, who though faster and surer of foot, yet removed not the stumbling stone." (--Kahlil Gibran from The Prophet)
I have stumbled. This is my attempt to remove some of the stones.
12/27/2012
Other people
When I read advice columns in the newspaper, nine times out of ten, people want Carolyn or Ann or Amy or whoever to tell them how to make someone else do what they want. Astoundingly, they sometimes write to ask what they should do about what someone is doing to someone else!
Here's my answer: Pay attention to what's in front of you (aka mind your own business and leave other people alone). The way to fix the world is to start with yourself. There is plenty on your plate without having to look at what others have on theirs.
As much as we would like to, we cannot control what other people think, do or say. It's so easy to see what is wrong with them. And it's so tempting to tell them what to do to fix it. Isn't it?
Be very careful what you are doing when you think you are helping. Try to support others in whatever way you can without interfering with them. Many many many times I thought I was helping when I was only interfering and making matters worse.
Case in point: my daughter. She often got herself into one sort of trouble or another. I was always there trying to rescue her to make her life nice. I thought it was my job as a parent. Guess I wanted the "good parent" award. I also wanted her to be happy. It took many years before I realized that, not only is it not my job, it isn't even within my power to make her life nice. And I made the situation waaay worse. She set up her problems for her to solve. When I swooped in and solved them for her, she would just set up another. And another. I got frustrated with her and she became extremely resentful of me. Then I got mad and hurt because she was ungrateful (I thought). I was trying to run her life. I guess I thought I could run her life better than she could. (Wasn't that obvious?) Instead what I was doing was undermining her self confidence. She didn't know whether or not she could solve her own problems because I always stepped in. She (rightly) resented me because I was taking away her opportunity to meet her own challenges and achieve a sense of accomplishment and confidence. What a disaster. I thought I was helping.
The only time we have to act is when something affects us directly. The best we can hope for is that we can control our response to what other people think, do or say. And that is harder than it looks.
When someone comes at you with anger or hostility, it's about them. It's not about you. Refuse to engage. If you engage, you are feeding the flame and you will get sucked into their vortex. Sometimes no response is the best response. Remove yourself physically, if you can (an urgent need for the restroom is one I have used). If you must respond, calmly and clearly state what is true for you right now. Be authentic. If they want you to do something that you don't want to do, No is a complete sentence. If what they have said or done hurt you, then say that, calmly. They probably are not trying to hurt you. Realize that they are hurting and they are lashing out. Would you injure and already injured person? Let them have their anger if they won't relinquish it. Try not to judge. And definitely don't wish them harm because that will boomerang back on you. (That's what Jesus was getting at when he said to turn the other cheek. Because what you do to others you are ultimately doing to yourself. Save everyone some trouble and heal the space instead. It has to start somewhere, why not here, now?)
If what someone else does elicits hurt or anger or jealousy from you, then that emotion was in you already. They just plucked their string and your string was already resonating at that frequency. If you go unconscious and react, then you both can really get that frequency going. Is that what you want? When you clear yourself of your own pain (see post on physical effects of new energies) then you will not feel responses from other people's pain.
Sure you will still lose it sometimes. Make a note of it. Ask yourself why you over-reacted to what someone else did. It probably had very little to do with what they did and everything to do with your unprocessed pain. Try to access that and process it. It's the only way I know of to eliminate that resonance that is inside of you. If you don't, it will come around again. And again. Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up. It's about figuring out what works and what doesn't. It's not about blame, shame, guilt or being wrong or right. Would you disparage a child who was building a castle with blocks if s/he put a block in the wrong place? Would you beat up a child who was learning to walk if s/he stumbled and fell? Be kind to yourself. Be as kind as you can to your fellow beings. Especially when they annoy you. Find something to appreciate about them.
If someone you work with is difficult, maybe you don't want that job. If a partner relationship is dragging you down, maybe you want to move on. There is no shame in abandoning a path that has no heart. Follow your heart and your inner guidance. It will never let you down.
Be authentic in the world. Stand in your truth.
Here's my answer: Pay attention to what's in front of you (aka mind your own business and leave other people alone). The way to fix the world is to start with yourself. There is plenty on your plate without having to look at what others have on theirs.
As much as we would like to, we cannot control what other people think, do or say. It's so easy to see what is wrong with them. And it's so tempting to tell them what to do to fix it. Isn't it?
Be very careful what you are doing when you think you are helping. Try to support others in whatever way you can without interfering with them. Many many many times I thought I was helping when I was only interfering and making matters worse.
Case in point: my daughter. She often got herself into one sort of trouble or another. I was always there trying to rescue her to make her life nice. I thought it was my job as a parent. Guess I wanted the "good parent" award. I also wanted her to be happy. It took many years before I realized that, not only is it not my job, it isn't even within my power to make her life nice. And I made the situation waaay worse. She set up her problems for her to solve. When I swooped in and solved them for her, she would just set up another. And another. I got frustrated with her and she became extremely resentful of me. Then I got mad and hurt because she was ungrateful (I thought). I was trying to run her life. I guess I thought I could run her life better than she could. (Wasn't that obvious?) Instead what I was doing was undermining her self confidence. She didn't know whether or not she could solve her own problems because I always stepped in. She (rightly) resented me because I was taking away her opportunity to meet her own challenges and achieve a sense of accomplishment and confidence. What a disaster. I thought I was helping.
The only time we have to act is when something affects us directly. The best we can hope for is that we can control our response to what other people think, do or say. And that is harder than it looks.
When someone comes at you with anger or hostility, it's about them. It's not about you. Refuse to engage. If you engage, you are feeding the flame and you will get sucked into their vortex. Sometimes no response is the best response. Remove yourself physically, if you can (an urgent need for the restroom is one I have used). If you must respond, calmly and clearly state what is true for you right now. Be authentic. If they want you to do something that you don't want to do, No is a complete sentence. If what they have said or done hurt you, then say that, calmly. They probably are not trying to hurt you. Realize that they are hurting and they are lashing out. Would you injure and already injured person? Let them have their anger if they won't relinquish it. Try not to judge. And definitely don't wish them harm because that will boomerang back on you. (That's what Jesus was getting at when he said to turn the other cheek. Because what you do to others you are ultimately doing to yourself. Save everyone some trouble and heal the space instead. It has to start somewhere, why not here, now?)
If what someone else does elicits hurt or anger or jealousy from you, then that emotion was in you already. They just plucked their string and your string was already resonating at that frequency. If you go unconscious and react, then you both can really get that frequency going. Is that what you want? When you clear yourself of your own pain (see post on physical effects of new energies) then you will not feel responses from other people's pain.
Sure you will still lose it sometimes. Make a note of it. Ask yourself why you over-reacted to what someone else did. It probably had very little to do with what they did and everything to do with your unprocessed pain. Try to access that and process it. It's the only way I know of to eliminate that resonance that is inside of you. If you don't, it will come around again. And again. Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up. It's about figuring out what works and what doesn't. It's not about blame, shame, guilt or being wrong or right. Would you disparage a child who was building a castle with blocks if s/he put a block in the wrong place? Would you beat up a child who was learning to walk if s/he stumbled and fell? Be kind to yourself. Be as kind as you can to your fellow beings. Especially when they annoy you. Find something to appreciate about them.
If someone you work with is difficult, maybe you don't want that job. If a partner relationship is dragging you down, maybe you want to move on. There is no shame in abandoning a path that has no heart. Follow your heart and your inner guidance. It will never let you down.
Be authentic in the world. Stand in your truth.
Who are you?
I once had occasion to address a room full of adults and the first thing I said to them was, "Who are you?"
They answered in terms of what they do or like to do:
If your identity is tied to being a doctor, say, and someone makes a disparaging comment about doctors, then you will feel angry and upset. You have a position to defend. The more you identify with being a doctor the more defensive you will be. Because you will feel that the person who made the remark is attacking your very being. (The person who made the comment probably didn't know you are a doctor, or you read it somewhere and the person doesn't even know you--yet you are simmering in anger.)
If your sense of self, of who you are, is tied to what you do, then what happens when (for whatever reason) you can't do it anymore? You have to either re-invent yourself or die. This is why people retire and then die. Or never retire. They don't know who they are if they aren't doing what they think they are anymore.
If your identity is tied to being a mother, what happens when your kids leave home? Or if they don't want to talk to you anymore? What happens if someone inadvertently or with good intentions disparages your technique?
How can you be well if who you are is an illness?
If you have your sense of SELF tied to any of these then you will feel personally attacked if you perceive a threat. And you will perceive a threat at the slightest provocation, because your very SELF is at stake and you have to be right.
What does that cost you?
Why not find out who and what you really are instead? You can reside in your SELF, inviolate. You can still do what you do, believe what you believe, love who you love and you will stand in your knowledge of your SELF, which no one can take from you. If someone makes a comment that is not in line with what you think, do or feel, you won't take it personally and you will allow them to think, feel, say or do whatever they want. What is it to you?
Every ONE of us is sacred. No ONE of us is more or less important than any other. Don't allow the world to define who you are. Only you get to do that.
Who are you anyway?
They answered in terms of what they do or like to do:
- nurse
- student
- carpenter
- skier
- golfer etc.
- brother
- mother
- son etc.
- feminist
- Christian
- liberal etc.
- diabetic
- cancer patient
- a victim of some sort etc.
If your identity is tied to being a doctor, say, and someone makes a disparaging comment about doctors, then you will feel angry and upset. You have a position to defend. The more you identify with being a doctor the more defensive you will be. Because you will feel that the person who made the remark is attacking your very being. (The person who made the comment probably didn't know you are a doctor, or you read it somewhere and the person doesn't even know you--yet you are simmering in anger.)
If your sense of self, of who you are, is tied to what you do, then what happens when (for whatever reason) you can't do it anymore? You have to either re-invent yourself or die. This is why people retire and then die. Or never retire. They don't know who they are if they aren't doing what they think they are anymore.
If your identity is tied to being a mother, what happens when your kids leave home? Or if they don't want to talk to you anymore? What happens if someone inadvertently or with good intentions disparages your technique?
How can you be well if who you are is an illness?
If you have your sense of SELF tied to any of these then you will feel personally attacked if you perceive a threat. And you will perceive a threat at the slightest provocation, because your very SELF is at stake and you have to be right.
What does that cost you?
Why not find out who and what you really are instead? You can reside in your SELF, inviolate. You can still do what you do, believe what you believe, love who you love and you will stand in your knowledge of your SELF, which no one can take from you. If someone makes a comment that is not in line with what you think, do or feel, you won't take it personally and you will allow them to think, feel, say or do whatever they want. What is it to you?
Every ONE of us is sacred. No ONE of us is more or less important than any other. Don't allow the world to define who you are. Only you get to do that.
Who are you anyway?
12/26/2012
Mental and Emotional Side Effects of the New Energies
I find that I don't care about a lot of things that I used to. They just don't interest me.
You could take all of my money, possessions, awards & degrees and stack them in a pile and what you would have is just a pile of stuff. None of it means anything. None of it made me happy. None of it made me feel better about myself (or if so, only temporarily). None of it relieved any of my misery in any way. I found out that so long as I was looking to the world to validate me, it was a losing proposition. Even if I got validation, it was fleeting. Much as we would like to, we just can't control what other people think, say or do. So all of that stuff can be boiled down to one thing that I just don't care about anymore:
What other people think.
I refuse to allow other people to define me. They don't get to tell me what to do or who I am. I care about people, I just don't allow what they think, say or do to influence what I think, say or do. I am a free agent. I do what pleases me and in doing what pleases me I become a happier, more grounded person who, as it turns out, is more pleasing to others.
Back when I thought it was important what people thought of me, I did stuff that I didn't want to do in order to please someone else. Then I resented them for "making" me do what I didn't really want to do. I was not being my authentic self and I was filled with anger, resentment and malice. And then other people responded (consciously or unconsciously---people know what you think, you aren't hiding anything) to my anger and resentment and things got worse. And the thing I feared most, that they wouldn't like or approve of me, is what I experienced. Hell, I didn't like or approve of me. And therein lay the problem.
I read something in Veronica Torres' book Warrior's Tale that helped me enormously. It goes something like this: There are about 8 billion people in the world. Of those 8 billion, at least half won't agree with you. They won't resonate with you, they won't think like you and they won't like you. So what. So when I encounter someone who is nasty to me or wants to argue with me or rubs me the wrong way, I just say to myself, "There goes one of the 4 billion." You see, it has nothing to do with me. It's just how it is. We can't all be the same. What would be the point of that? I let them be who they are, trying not to judge, and go on my merry way.
- Books that I used to enjoy
- Crowds
- Cultural standards of beauty
- Money
- Possessions
- Status (what degrees you have and where you got them, jobs etc.)
You could take all of my money, possessions, awards & degrees and stack them in a pile and what you would have is just a pile of stuff. None of it means anything. None of it made me happy. None of it made me feel better about myself (or if so, only temporarily). None of it relieved any of my misery in any way. I found out that so long as I was looking to the world to validate me, it was a losing proposition. Even if I got validation, it was fleeting. Much as we would like to, we just can't control what other people think, say or do. So all of that stuff can be boiled down to one thing that I just don't care about anymore:
What other people think.
I refuse to allow other people to define me. They don't get to tell me what to do or who I am. I care about people, I just don't allow what they think, say or do to influence what I think, say or do. I am a free agent. I do what pleases me and in doing what pleases me I become a happier, more grounded person who, as it turns out, is more pleasing to others.
Back when I thought it was important what people thought of me, I did stuff that I didn't want to do in order to please someone else. Then I resented them for "making" me do what I didn't really want to do. I was not being my authentic self and I was filled with anger, resentment and malice. And then other people responded (consciously or unconsciously---people know what you think, you aren't hiding anything) to my anger and resentment and things got worse. And the thing I feared most, that they wouldn't like or approve of me, is what I experienced. Hell, I didn't like or approve of me. And therein lay the problem.
I read something in Veronica Torres' book Warrior's Tale that helped me enormously. It goes something like this: There are about 8 billion people in the world. Of those 8 billion, at least half won't agree with you. They won't resonate with you, they won't think like you and they won't like you. So what. So when I encounter someone who is nasty to me or wants to argue with me or rubs me the wrong way, I just say to myself, "There goes one of the 4 billion." You see, it has nothing to do with me. It's just how it is. We can't all be the same. What would be the point of that? I let them be who they are, trying not to judge, and go on my merry way.
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