12/30/2012

Addictions

Now here's a biggie.

I haven't dealt with all of my addictions to my satisfaction but I have made some inroads.  I have observed the following:

People can and do become addicted to just about anything: food, drink, tobacco, drugs, shopping, gambling, other people, sex, power, money, adrenalin highs (jumping out of perfectly good airplanes for example) etc.

One addiction is no better nor worse than another (except maybe for its effect on the body).  It is sheer hypocrisy to disparage another person's addiction while engaging in your own.

We all want to feel good.  We find something that makes us feel good and we go back to it again and again.  We feel bad and we are looking for something to make us feel better.  It only makes us feel better temporarily, and usually makes us feel worse in the long run.  Physically worse (hangover, headache, DTs), emotionally worse (can't control ourselves), financially worse and so on.  Yet still we do it.  That one second, moment, or hour of temporary bliss seems to be worth it.  The addiction is a mask for the pain.

Stopping an addiction without processing the underlying cause only leads to starting up another.  Stop smoking, eat and/or drink more, for example.  When you stop Cold Turkey, you will feel deprived.  You will suffer the loss of what you thought made you feel good.  You will make up for feeling deprived by acquiring another addiction.

Go towards it, rather than run from it.  Do what you do, but be conscious.  Maybe you just have to quit Cold Turkey if it's something that you just cannot manage doing in moderation and your health is in danger.  But be aware that you will do something else to feel good until you can clear out whatever is really bothering you.  It doesn't really matter what you do.  You don't have to have, do or be anything to be worthy.  The first thing you want to give up is blame, shame and guilt.  You have the right to be here because you are.  You are worthy of your life and you are meant to be happy.

If you want to smoke, drink, fornicate or whatever, then do it with full awareness.  Really be there while you're doing whatever you're doing.  Anything in excess becomes unpleasant and cloying.  If you can remain present (like I explained in the post on eating) then you will know when you have had enough.  Really enjoy that piece of chocolate or that cigarette.  Then stop when you've had enough.

If you need to go Cold Turkey, then know that when you have a craving and you ignore it, it will go away.  It seems that we are not wired to sustain anything for long.  If you give in to it, you will strengthen it.  The cravings will continue to come but if you ignore them they will occur less frequently with less intensity.

If you feel deprived, go toward that deprived feeling.  Meditate on that.  What is really bothering you?  The better you feel about yourself and your life, the more clearing that you do, the better you will feel.  The better you feel the less you will crave doing something that makes you feel bad.

I have a dear friend who has been active in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) for many years.  One time she explained the whole 12 step process to me, over several days.  I highly recommend it for any addiction, though I have never actually done it myself.  It's all about acknowledging the problem and then forgiving yourself.  And forgiving everyone else.  She said something to me that I am not likely to ever forget: "When there's a hole in your soul, jump in."

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