Eating I

We must eat.

For many many years I was hung up about eating.  I was very afraid of being fat.  I made up all kinds of rules about what I could and couldn't eat.  About when and how often and how much I could and couldn't eat.  I had a running tab in my head every day cataloging everything I had eaten.  I tried not to eat at all.  I tried not to notice when I did eat (if I wasn't aware of it, it doesn't count against me!).  I was afraid to eat!  I felt guilt about eating.  I felt like I was some kind of failure because I couldn't not eat.  When I did eat, I ate more than I wanted because I was afraid I wouldn't let myself eat again any time soon.  Gotta stock up.  And then I felt guilty about it.

I have never been much for sweets, but I once shared a house with some people who were against sweets of any kind and would not allow sugar in the house.  I stopped at a convenience store on my way home every day and bought a candy bar and ate it.  The whole time I lived in that house.  I didn't do it before that, and I haven't done it since.

That's how it works.

I was miserable and tired of being miserable.  Every time I saw a picture of myself from a few years previous I thought, "Geez, I looked pretty good back then.  And I thought I was fat then."  I have never been fat.  But I have always thought I was fat.  How we can torment ourselves!


I have finally been able to set myself free and here is how I did it:
I now have only two rules.

Rule #1. Be present.  

This is harder than it looks.  But if you really stay present, it's impossible to overeat.  It's impossible to eat something that your body doesn't want.

Don't read, watch TV, do crossword puzzles, write, work at your desk, or even talk, if you can help it.  Don't do anything but eat.  Focus on the food and how your body feels while you are eating it.  Does it taste good?  No? Stop.  Does it feel good? No? Stop.  Are you satisfied? Yes? Stop.  Concentrate on the sensation.  Is it crunchy or smooth?  Is it spicy or sweet?  Enjoy!  Savor every bite.  If your mind wanders (and it will), just bring it back.  Go towards it, instead of running away.  I don't feel guilty about eating anymore.  I have to eat.  I like to eat.

Before I eat I place my hands, one on top of the other, over my heart chakra and I say some version of the following: "I trust the Universe.  I trust my body to take care of itself.  Food is my friend. I will remain present"  Then I thank the food in front of me that it gave it's life so that I may live (animal, fruit, grain or vegetable).

I remember once eating a sandwich while I worked at my desk.  After a time I paused and looked around for my sandwich and it was gone!  I couldn't figure out where it went and I was hungry.  I had eaten it!  I wasn't even aware that I had eaten it!

Rule #2.  If it isn't food, don't eat it.

Read the ingredients.  If you can't pronounce it or you don't know what it is, it isn't food.  This one actually takes care of itself if you are successful at rule #1 because your body will tell you.  Pay attention.

Codicil to rule #2.  If I don't know what it is, I don't eat it, snort it, smoke it, put on my skin or in any of my orifices.  Read the ingredients!

Set yourself free!